Fear of Death

Should I have a fear of death or not. Well if I go by the words of my FAther I must fear death. He quotes Guru Gobind Singh saying that fear of death keeps us away from many daily evils and keeps our mind near to God.

Fortunately or Not-fortuantely I have got many chances which made me to imagine that I will die soon. Although for a doctor it could be just called as Occupational Hazard where a single needle stick of contaminated blood can gift him with HIV or some thing more or less dangerous.

The most recent one is putting me on the risk of suspeceted Meningoencephalitis, which can be lethal if not treated properly.

Last time it was the suspected HIV positive spill of blood on the eyes that put me into agonizing time during internship days. I still remember those times when I secretly used to get my blood tested in an private clinic for Rs.300 every time, out of the my parent hospital although it would have been free for me to get it tested again and again at GMCH. I was sincerely fearing a disclosure of the status in
GMCH community if I was found positive and to add on the fear was non-availability of Prophylactic medicine at GMCH

Today I am going through the same state again. Body seems to feel the symptoms it should not feel although I know that I am a low risk contact today.

The list of undone jobs is flashing through mind again and again and to add on the pain is the worry of parents.Fortunately this time family is not as serious issue as it was in internship because now the parents have more settled family to take care of.

As routine, religious introspection is going through mind. This time out of the DABDA phases of death denial is more prominent as compared to the GMCH prick when it was the anger against Nursing Staff which was more prominent because she had intentionally changed the name of her husband to hide his ? HIV positive status.

Instead of the feeling of dying a useless death at time in internship today I am having some gut feeling of achievement without falling in life to this Animal world.

Nothing else. I must wait and watch, if I can survive to read my blog again..:-) after a few days..The probability is favoring me this time as I am taken care of by best physicians.